Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Fears

Day 2 (ish)

Three Fears

1.  Ruining my kids.  Either by my death or by my shortcomings, the fear is the same:  my kids suffer because of me.   Every time I roll my eyes, use passive-aggressive parenting or sigh in that cruel way I do when I am hungry. . .I realize this fear.
I am ashamed to admit, I ignored my daughter's plea for help until it got frantic while i typed the previous two sentences.   See?  My fear is legitimate.

2.  Crocs.  I know I didn't have to include an animal fear, but this is real.  Of course sharks are scary in that "I am paddling out and I saw a fin in the wave so I am going to make a quick 180 out of here even though it is probably a harmless one" kind of way, but crocs are scary all the time.  Even in Utah.  I am not sure why, but I think it has something to do with my perception of their intelligence.  Sharks, cougars and other scary predators seem pretty smart.  I mean, sure they will eat you if they are desperate or if you are bleeding, but most of the time I think they are pretty much just hanging out waiting for something more their style.  I feel like crocodiles will just barrel roll you because they don't know you from a 150 lb pile of bratwurst.  They stupid.  That why they scaaaaaarrrrry.

3.  Offending people.  After inadvertently offending several roommates in college (I am sure it happened all the time before I was just unaware of it) I realized that I say or do things that are taken the wrong way.  I can be callous without knowing it.  I am a narcissist and I don't realize that the way I say things are not always kind.  I know this now and am so over-conscious of it now that I am constantly over-analyzing every conversation I ever have and pinpointing every time I probably offended someone with my filter-less lip.  I lose sleep.  It is horrible.  You would think that my over-analysis would cure me of the core problem.  You would think.

5 comments:

Erin said...

Wha t the WHAT? Two posts in a WEEK? Excellent. To your post, I thought you were just fibbing when you used to tell people a croc got your toe; little did I know that you had a legitimate reason why, and that you were telling the truth!

Claudia said...

For a few seconds I thought you were talking about Crocs, the foam "shoes". Because those can, in fact, be scary. Then I remembered the stuff Erin was referring to. Ha!

Nikki S said...

"Narcissist" is never a word I would use for you. As for not responding to a child's call for help...well, I think EVERY child has a little "boy who called wolf" in them. As for crocs, I am totally with you on that one!

Katherine said...

'sigh in that cruel way' - Oh this is something I need to work on.

Angi said...

mmmkay, when you said "crocs" I thought you meant crocs, you know, squishy shoes with holes on top crocs...I think both interpretations are correct.