Day 3 The Most Physical Pain of Your Life

I realize that my "days" are a bit longer than most.  But, in my world. . .at least on my blog. . .my "days" are as I set them to be.  And that often varies.

The most physical pain I have ever been in.  This was easy.  12 hours of pitocin induced labor with NO pain killers.  The nurse then telling me "I can call you a 1.5 if that makes you feel better".  It didn't.

One week overdue with my first child and unable to progress through labor left me feeling a little inadequate as a birthing mother.  I had thought I would rock it in the birthing department.  I thought I could handle the pain.  It didn't bother me that Maui did not offer epidurals.  I liked it.  I thought it would be awesome.  Truthfully, though, it came to a point where I was ready to accept the morphine injection regardless of any side effects to me or my child.  I was delirious with pain.  Even as I type this my back is clenching.  There was no breathing like TV, no mantras, not even any screaming.  I could not even dedicate energy to scream, I was in too much pain.  The immediate pain relief that came with the spinal block necessary for my emergency C-section was so shocking I began shaking uncontrollably.  The nurse had to strap my arms down during the surgery (which is nothing like TV, either.  Bright lights, green tile, chatting about lunch, John Mayer playing. . .)  I was so 'high' from the adrenaline, the experience, the meds, all of it, I did not sleep for the next 24 hours.  The nurses kept telling me to sleep but I was WIDE awake.

Fears

Day 2 (ish)

Three Fears

1.  Ruining my kids.  Either by my death or by my shortcomings, the fear is the same:  my kids suffer because of me.   Every time I roll my eyes, use passive-aggressive parenting or sigh in that cruel way I do when I am hungry. . .I realize this fear.
I am ashamed to admit, I ignored my daughter's plea for help until it got frantic while i typed the previous two sentences.   See?  My fear is legitimate.

2.  Crocs.  I know I didn't have to include an animal fear, but this is real.  Of course sharks are scary in that "I am paddling out and I saw a fin in the wave so I am going to make a quick 180 out of here even though it is probably a harmless one" kind of way, but crocs are scary all the time.  Even in Utah.  I am not sure why, but I think it has something to do with my perception of their intelligence.  Sharks, cougars and other scary predators seem pretty smart.  I mean, sure they will eat you if they are desperate or if you are bleeding, but most of the time I think they are pretty much just hanging out waiting for something more their style.  I feel like crocodiles will just barrel roll you because they don't know you from a 150 lb pile of bratwurst.  They stupid.  That why they scaaaaaarrrrry.

3.  Offending people.  After inadvertently offending several roommates in college (I am sure it happened all the time before I was just unaware of it) I realized that I say or do things that are taken the wrong way.  I can be callous without knowing it.  I am a narcissist and I don't realize that the way I say things are not always kind.  I know this now and am so over-conscious of it now that I am constantly over-analyzing every conversation I ever have and pinpointing every time I probably offended someone with my filter-less lip.  I lose sleep.  It is horrible.  You would think that my over-analysis would cure me of the core problem.  You would think.

For Erin

I got a text from a dear friend this weekend that said "you haven't blogged for over a year, you know".  I do know.  I just am busy.  And sort of boring.  It is hard to know what to write when you are busy, boring and not certain anyone cares about your blog.

But Erin does care.

So this is for Erin.

I have some very talented cousins who keep amazingly interesting and well-written blogs who have been doing a 30 day writing challenge.  Because of my aforementioned plights of being both boring and busy I have neither the time nor talent to come up with anything original to write.  At least my answers will be different (until I get really lazy and start copy and pasting their New Yorker worthy answers into my own blog. . .).

Day 1 (we will see how long this lasts. . .)

Ten Random Facts About Yourself

1.  I hate chicken pot pie.  It is really the only food I hate.  I actually really love food.  Good food.  I really hate chicken pot pie.

2.  I love to try new things.  Anything new.  I rarely stick with anything long-term but I am always up for a new experience.

3.  I love being outside.  Doing anything.

4.  I am not good at keeping my house tidy.  I wish I were.  I think this is tied heavily to #3.

5.  I get mean when I am hungry.  Someone once described the emotion as Hangry.  I loved that.

6.  I love having kids over.  All kids.  Almost any kids.  I love to teach, play, get messy and snuggle them.  Bring your kids over. . .my house will not be clean but I will have snacks.

7.  I do not like movies.  There are very few movies that I think were worth watching (for me).  I have some favorite TV shows that I will watch over and over but compared to most people, I don't like very many movies.  In the past 4 years I have been to the theater 5 times (Fantastic Mr. Fox, Harry Potter 7 part 1, Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock 2, Hunger Games).  I do love plays and have seen almost all of the local high school productions (and some professional)  since I have been in Utah.
Incidentally, my least favorite movies are super-hero or comic book adaptations and war movies.  Imagine my reaction when my husband put on Captain America one night promising me that 'you will really like this one. . .'  Hmmm. . .can't we just watch Scrubs again?

8.  I love words.  I love books with beautifully written sentences and new words.  I like knowing where words come from.  I love playing scrabble (even though I am not good.  At all.) and I love teaching my kids new words.  There is power in an expertly turned sentence.

9.  I often come upon jobs or opportunities by accident.  For instance:
9a.  I was recruited to the University pole vaulting team when the captain saw me diving at the pool.  I was very enthusiastic and couldn't wait to try.  It turns out I couldn't run fast enough to generate the speed needed to vault me over. . .anything.  
9b.  While searching for jobs for my siblings online one day (because I am nosey like that) I came across an ad that read something like "Need writer for my art book.  Not interested in your past publications or resume.  I will send you art.  You write snarky, Far Side-like caption.  I will pick the best one for job.  Cat lover a plus."   Seriously.  I submitted my entry along with 20-30 others and was hired to caption 85 paintings for a Japanese artist.  I am now working on book 3 for him.
9c.  I started exercising with a woman.  She signed up to run a marathon.  "I will just run with you until you start going over 8 miles" I said.  Then one day I ran 10 with her.  "I will just run with you until I don't want to and will walk and you can leave  me."  I never walked.  We just kept on running.  Then, one day she was joking with some people that I was training for an imaginary marathon.  One of the ladies said she had entered the Ogden race but didn't train over the winter.  I bought her entry for a fraction of the price (those things are PRICEY!  Who knew??? ) and now find myself running an accidental marathon in 3 weeks.  I figure with my health I may never be at this level of fitness again and I most certainly will never be able to run a race this cheap again.

10.  I can whistle on a straw louder than anyone I have ever met.  Drinking straw.  Ear-splitting.  I will show you sometime.