Sunday, January 2, 2011

Hi, I'm Noli

Or Magnolia, or Maggie, Maggie Moo, Magstar, Noles, Maggie-Noles, Sista, Magpie, Bubba Chubs, Grabby McPaws, Babes, or any other ridiculous nick-name my parents and sister decide to give me that day.  Apparently, being the youngest means you can be called whatever the heck comes to mind and it flies.  And they wonder why I have been so fussy these 6 months. . .pick a name, people!  Sorry.  Had to get that out.

Well, there it is.  I'm six months old.  I nap now, so that is new since my mom posted.  She is pretty excited about it, can't stop talking about it actually, but I don't know what the big whoop is, it is JUST A CRIB, people.  Between you and me, I liked my swing better.  Too bad I got too big and broke it.  Who makes baby swings with weight limits anyway?  Oh, and (funny story) if you think those weight limits are just for legal reasons. . .you're wrong. 
What else?  Well, my parents have started giving me real food. . .sort of.   I just want some food.  Is that too much to ask?  Dad usually is the one to feed me.  Mom says it is a bother and is just easier to nurse.  I will be a monkey's uncle if I am going to be nursing when I go to nursery, though, I'll tell you that much.  Dad gives me carrots, or spinach or sweet potato that mom has whirled up in her fancy shmancy blender.  It is okay.  Whatever.  I grabbed a fist full of guacamole today off of Dad's plate, now THAT's what I'm talking about!  Mom wiped it off of me before I could get too much, but you know I got a good tongue-ful before!  Woot!  Oh, and if there is one thing I have learned in my six months on Earth it is this:  guacamole tastes good but it does not feel good in your eye.
Let's see, what did I do today?  Well, we had early church, so that meant an earlier tantrum from big sis.  That girl will not wear shoes, I don't know what the fuss is.  I just let mom put them on and then kick them off on the way inside the chapel.  She is usually too busy to notice and then, no shoes!  Much easier.  Church is now at nap time so, since I nap now, I did sleep during half of sacrament.  Then, just for fun, I decided to see if I could make it through the rest of church without eating.  I did it!  Mom tried to feed me before she went to young women, but I was strong!  Relentless, even.  It. Was.  Awesome.  The real bummer was, that as soon as church ended, I was done with my experiment and Mom made me wait all the way until we got home to eat.  We live 3 BLOCKS AWAY!  It was torture.  I made my family suffer with me.  It only seemed fair.
Later my mom undressed me for a bath with sister.  I LOVE baths.  They are the best.  Wet?  Naked?  What's not to like?  Then her phone rang.  I was already naked, all she had to do was put me in the bath.  The water was there.  Sister was there.  Why was I not there?  Yak yak yak. . .what about my bath?  You see, the whole incident could have been avoided if my mom would just put a few hours a day into learning to read my mind.  Instead she insists on over-enunciating monosyllabic phrases right at my face as if I am a moron.  I know you are my Maaaaaaa-Maaaaaa but I want a Baaaaaaaaaaath.  Not too tough.  But I digress.  So Maaaaaaa-Maaaaa is chatting it up with her sister all the while holding me and I am STILL naked but NOT in the bath.  ARGH!  She left me no choice.  I did what any baby under that kind of abuse would do.  I peed on her.  A lot.  It was effective.  I will have to remember that.
After bath time I watched my sister for awhile.  That girl is hil-AR-ious.  Sometimes she stands in front of me, jumps and screams at my face.  It is so funny.  Seriously, you have got to see it.  I don't know how she comes up with this stuff.  Then, she started running in and out of the room while singing one of my Mama's favorite songs ever "Jingle Bell Rock".  So funny.  SO FUNNY!  I laughed until I peed (in my diaper this time, I am sorry to report) but then Mama made her stop.  Kill joy, that woman.   I voiced my disgust first by telepathy, of course, and then, because I fear she is still not on board with the baby ESP I broke two vintage ornaments off of the tree.
Dinner was the worst.  Mama said she didn't want to give me any real food since I had already had 2 baths and it was getting late.  What!?!  Lame.  Again, I tried to indicate to her my displeasure through peaceful mind waves but, no.  Nothing.  I pulled her full glass of cold water onto her crotch.  Someone was getting wet and if it wasn't going to be me. . .

All in all, it was a good day.  Mama wants me to sleep through the night tonight, but, seeing as it took me 5 months to even take a nap, I am just not seeing that as happening.  Maybe if I can get a rueben or a Cafe Rio salad before bed we can talk.  But, you come at me with that weak-sauce veggie puree and you better be getting me up to feed several times during the night.  Just sayin'.
Before I go, I want to leave you with a list of my talents.  I have been reading these blogs about babies and they all have lists of talents.  Ahem.  Here are mine:
Sitting up
Panting like a dog
Peeing in the tub
Rolling over from tummy to back
Jumping in my jump-a-roo
Smiling at anyone who looks at my face
Making noise
Grabbing at food
Grabbing at faces
Simultaneously grunting and screaming (you know it!)
Kissing Mama's face
Making my family smile
Getting the hiccups
Starting to play copy-cat

Well, blogosphere, it has been fun.  I am sure I will be back. . .probably in 3 months or so.  Until then, all my love to my fellow babies and to all the mothers out there:  JUST PUT YOUR KID IN THE BATH!



Angi said...


I can see that this is going to be an uphill battle but you'll have them trained soon enough. Just don't give up on them. Peeing on people is just tough love.

Verification Word: Reeses -- these guys are awesome and next time I see you I'll sneak you some. Pureed veggies? COME. ON.

Julia said...

Haha, Noli, you are a pretty funny gal. I can't wait to have my very OWN vindictive baby!

Claudia said...

Nice to finally hear from you. Especially about your escapades with the bath. Classic. But get your mama to put up some pictures. Then again, you are going to be one of the generation that comes out of the womb knowing how to work all things technology related. So YOU do it. Get with it, girl.

Brooke said...

LOved it! Miss your face Noli, and your Mama's and your big sisters. Tell your MOm to stop by sometime you are this way... Meg knows how to get the good food, and she is a GREAT sharer (is that even a word??)
Oh well, great to hear what you are up to.

Jim said...

Noli, Please come play at my house again. I'll let you pee on anyone or anything you want. We love your sweet chubby-cheeked face.

Ashley said...

Sheesh Noli, I can't believe you are 6 months old already! Next time you take control of the computer see if you can put some pictures up.

Diane said...

Dearest Noli,

I have already told your mom that you were just plain "bored to tears" with all this baby stuff! She will catch on one of these days, don't worry. The food thing? That might take a little while, as your mother's favorite food at the age of 3 was "parsley". Come to my house and I will get you anything you want.

Write another blog post soon, as this one cracked me up!

utahutes01 said...

Dear Noli,

Sweetie,you have got to give your momma a break. Let's see, how bout you sleep really well (meaning more than 2 hours at a time). only do that after eating something really yummy, and then maybe she'll get the idea and start bringing on the good stuff! those sweet potatoes have butter and cinnamon on them yet?
Thanks for the laugh-out loud read!

Love you!

momwouldgo said...

I was just having a "I miss meg" moment, so I sat down to peek at your blog. How lucky am I to find this post by Noli! She sounds as spunky as her mother and her sister. Maui sure has a lot of gluten free things, maybe you should move out to Maui and help me make some yummy gluten free goodies for Lily. Love, Aunty Amy